So I went down to the VA Medical Center for a disability evaluation this morning - here's the background:
1. I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), which is clearly annotated in my VAMC medical records, on file with the VA, numerous times.
2. This disability has been related to service in the Gulf after 1991 by the VA, thus any veteran with such service who has the disorder is eligible for "presumptive" service connection. Legally this means no questions asked - if you were deployed to Southwest Asia after 1991, and have a current diagnosis of IBS, you get compensated.
3. My evaluation this morning was to see if IBS was related to my service in the Gulf during 2001/2002.
I mean seriously? How difficult is this one?? I am just beyond words. The exam consisted of some nurse practitioner reviewing my electronic medical record and transposing the information onto his own report. He summarized for me and asked if that sounded "about right." I'm sorry, why did I need to be dragged away from work for this? I am really peeved. I hate that the system is so dysfunctional sometimes. This is NOT a complex regulation to figure out!
10 March 2010
07 March 2010
Battling...
So there is this battle in my head right now - I have another mental health appointment at the VA tomorrow, and I REALLY hate going there.
Do I need to go? Yeah.
So why the hesitation?
Well, if any of you have ever been a woman, and been to a VA medical facility, you know why. The problem seems to be omnipresent however there are certain specialty clinics that just seethe with repugnance. Mental health is one of them. The pharmacy is another...
You see, most veterans I encounter at the VAMC look nothing like me. They are predominantly old white men, and because I live in Washington DC, old black men too. I realize the ratio of African American veterans to Caucasian veterans remains disproportionate as we correct the erred ways of our past, but I happen to live in a city where this is not apparent. I "go there" because oftentimes I compare the struggles of today's young female veterans to yesterday's black veterans - as a group struggling to find their place in a community of old white men who don't believe they exist as part of that sacred brotherhood.
So when I walk in to this VAMC as a professional young woman - usually in business attire - I might as well be strutting my stuff on some imaginary runway in a strip club. You cannot imagine the leers and raised eyebrows... If the comments are not voiced to me, they are verbalized among the "crowd" just loudly enough for me to hear. It's completely demoralizing. I am a disabled combat-era veteran... These men are supposed to be my "brothers in arms." Instead they are leering and jeering as if I'm some strange piece of meat down on second and main street. This is a tough situation to handle, but given why I am there, it's damn near impossible.
I've done this a few times now - gone to the VA for mental health appointments. You see, I had some trouble in the military dealing with a squad leader who sexually harassed me, a chain of command who refused to acknowledge the problem... all of which resulted in not only taking me out of the running for a promotion to corporal (as retaliation), but also taking away the rank I already had, trying to medically separate me because of a "personality disorder" I did not have, and labeling me a dirt bag. Somewhere in this multi-year marathon of shit, I also broke a vertebrae in my lumbar spine which was misdiagnosed (I know, how do you miss that on an x-ray!!) for a year - so of course being a malingerer didn't help...
This, along with some other MSTs left me with a lot of mental strife to come to terms with... hence another appointment with VA mental health. It's shameful that our troops do this sort of thing to one another, but they do. I know it first hand. And frankly, if you ask google or VA itself about the frequency with which it happens, you may be a little alarmed (although their numbers are a little lower than other research suggests). But in my mind, what's even more shameful is that I had to deal with all the crap on active duty and keep my lips zipped, and now I ALSO have to deal with it in the veteran's world. It's ridiculous. Shameful.
I sometimes hear ignorant men discussing how women like to "play the victim." I certainly hope the difference is recognized here. When it comes to women veterans who have suffered on active duty, and seek help and treatment from the VA, they are not playing the victim. They have been beaten down, and the "good old boy" system kicks them down again every time they try to get up. Do me a favor. Next time you hear this kind of ignorant conversation, think about that "victim" and her situation. Don't rush to judgment until you've walked a mile in her shoes. And lastly, next time you see that type of behavior at the VAMC, don't hesitate to give an old guy a boot to the butt and call him on it!! I swear I'm going to make a T-shirt that says "yes I served... no catcalls, please."
Am I not a veteran? Do I deserve to be harassed and leered at every time I walk in to the mental health clinic in an attempt to deal with my MST-related issue? Talk about kicking me while I'm down... This is just one of many reasons why female veterans do not want to use VA healthcare. This is why too many female veterans do not identify themselves as "veteran." Why would any woman in her right mind want to be associated with that group?
Well dammit, I AM a veteran. I served my country. I deployed to the middle east after 9/11, and I am proud of my dedication to protecting America's freedom. I am sick of being treated like a veteran's wife or daughter, much less a hooker on the street corner. You don't have to like me, but you should respect what I have sacrificed for your freedom, especially in light of what I have revealed above - the BS i dealt with while making that sacrifice. One day I want to walk into the VAMC and feel like I belong there. Until then, I will work vehemently and vocally for change in this community.
Do I need to go? Yeah.
So why the hesitation?
Well, if any of you have ever been a woman, and been to a VA medical facility, you know why. The problem seems to be omnipresent however there are certain specialty clinics that just seethe with repugnance. Mental health is one of them. The pharmacy is another...
You see, most veterans I encounter at the VAMC look nothing like me. They are predominantly old white men, and because I live in Washington DC, old black men too. I realize the ratio of African American veterans to Caucasian veterans remains disproportionate as we correct the erred ways of our past, but I happen to live in a city where this is not apparent. I "go there" because oftentimes I compare the struggles of today's young female veterans to yesterday's black veterans - as a group struggling to find their place in a community of old white men who don't believe they exist as part of that sacred brotherhood.
So when I walk in to this VAMC as a professional young woman - usually in business attire - I might as well be strutting my stuff on some imaginary runway in a strip club. You cannot imagine the leers and raised eyebrows... If the comments are not voiced to me, they are verbalized among the "crowd" just loudly enough for me to hear. It's completely demoralizing. I am a disabled combat-era veteran... These men are supposed to be my "brothers in arms." Instead they are leering and jeering as if I'm some strange piece of meat down on second and main street. This is a tough situation to handle, but given why I am there, it's damn near impossible.
I've done this a few times now - gone to the VA for mental health appointments. You see, I had some trouble in the military dealing with a squad leader who sexually harassed me, a chain of command who refused to acknowledge the problem... all of which resulted in not only taking me out of the running for a promotion to corporal (as retaliation), but also taking away the rank I already had, trying to medically separate me because of a "personality disorder" I did not have, and labeling me a dirt bag. Somewhere in this multi-year marathon of shit, I also broke a vertebrae in my lumbar spine which was misdiagnosed (I know, how do you miss that on an x-ray!!) for a year - so of course being a malingerer didn't help...
This, along with some other MSTs left me with a lot of mental strife to come to terms with... hence another appointment with VA mental health. It's shameful that our troops do this sort of thing to one another, but they do. I know it first hand. And frankly, if you ask google or VA itself about the frequency with which it happens, you may be a little alarmed (although their numbers are a little lower than other research suggests). But in my mind, what's even more shameful is that I had to deal with all the crap on active duty and keep my lips zipped, and now I ALSO have to deal with it in the veteran's world. It's ridiculous. Shameful.
I sometimes hear ignorant men discussing how women like to "play the victim." I certainly hope the difference is recognized here. When it comes to women veterans who have suffered on active duty, and seek help and treatment from the VA, they are not playing the victim. They have been beaten down, and the "good old boy" system kicks them down again every time they try to get up. Do me a favor. Next time you hear this kind of ignorant conversation, think about that "victim" and her situation. Don't rush to judgment until you've walked a mile in her shoes. And lastly, next time you see that type of behavior at the VAMC, don't hesitate to give an old guy a boot to the butt and call him on it!! I swear I'm going to make a T-shirt that says "yes I served... no catcalls, please."
Am I not a veteran? Do I deserve to be harassed and leered at every time I walk in to the mental health clinic in an attempt to deal with my MST-related issue? Talk about kicking me while I'm down... This is just one of many reasons why female veterans do not want to use VA healthcare. This is why too many female veterans do not identify themselves as "veteran." Why would any woman in her right mind want to be associated with that group?
Well dammit, I AM a veteran. I served my country. I deployed to the middle east after 9/11, and I am proud of my dedication to protecting America's freedom. I am sick of being treated like a veteran's wife or daughter, much less a hooker on the street corner. You don't have to like me, but you should respect what I have sacrificed for your freedom, especially in light of what I have revealed above - the BS i dealt with while making that sacrifice. One day I want to walk into the VAMC and feel like I belong there. Until then, I will work vehemently and vocally for change in this community.
06 March 2010
So, Who is Jane?
I am Jane. That is not my real name, but the name of my idol (GI Jane, as played by Demi Moore) when I entered active duty. I grew up with three brothers and I was tough. When they asked at MEPS what I wanted to do in the Army, I had one answer for them: "I want to join the infantry. But since that's not possible, I want to ensure that I'll have $40K in the bank for college when I get out. Tell me what my options are."
So I spent four years in an MOS which was half dream job and half ninth circle of hell - Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical Operations Specialist. When I got to off-road in my M56 Coyote and run circles around the artillery/infantry guys, it was like heaven for me! But when it was time to don the MOPP gear and decontaminate vehicle after vehicle out in the desert.... well I'm sure you can imagine scrubbing your car mid-summer in a ski-suit and halloween mask! It was not a good time.
I served with the 82nd Airborne for a while, then moved on down Ardennes to 101st Chemical Co at Fort Bragg. Deployments included lots of training around the U.S. (this was before we were at war) and then over to Kuwait after 9/11. I served from July 1998 to July 2002, and would have reenlisted if I could've. My service was... well... an experience. I'm sure more and more of that will come out as the blogging continues.
So today, I write as a disabled female OEF/OIF veteran, involved in the world of veteran politics and passionate about the issues - particularly those that female veterans deal with. I have a five year old son, live in the DC area, and my neighbors are always very surprised to learn that I am a veteran, much less that I am a vocal veteran's advocate! Nobody passing me on the street would ever have a clue who I was or what kind of experiences I've had, and I like that I am able to have that anonymity. In fact, it's time to get the little guy off to his basketball game as I write - so more on my military experience later!
03 March 2010
The American Legion Conference
I realize this is my first entry, and I should take some time to introduce myself but its late, I'm tired, and if I keep putting off my big first post I'll never get there! So I promise it will come... in due time, friends!
For now, I wish to offer some reflections on the American Legion's Washington Conference, from which I returned home today. I am a proud member of the Legion - while I do not agree with all of their political stances, I believe they have accomplished a phenomenal amount of good for veterans past, and will continue to do so for veterans of the future. But lets get to the part which is of the utmost concern to me: the impression I get from the Legion regarding women veterans' issues.
I spoke with MANY people at this conference. Networked until I was damn near black and blue across the jaw! My overall take is that the American Legion is very keen on hassling the VA (Veterans Affairs) to make more progress for female veterans, yet they seem to be light years behind the VA with their recommendations. It's almost as if the Legion reads the results of VA's internal studies and fails to acknowledge VA's plan of attack to solve identified problems, thus their agenda reflects VA's plan of action like a mirror. I asked a gazillion times what the American Legion was doing for women veterans and the only time anyone could semi-answer my question, the answer began with "we're working with the VA to ensure...."
I was quite surprised by this.
Usually, the Legion is at the forefront of these types of issues - they feed the VA task force study results and policy recommendations. With Agent Orange, this is how it was done. With the GI Bill, this is how it was done. On women's issues, they seem to have it backwards. VA recognized the problem and spurred itself to action long before the Legion was ready to recognize female veterans might have some different health care needs.
I did talk to a number of Legionnaires (male and female) who seemed to agree with me on this. Some of them just blew me off as an irrelevant feminist pig. I'm used to that when dealing with the good old boy's club - besides, ex marines can be a little blockheaded ;) What I surmised is that there is some internal struggle within the organization on this issue; the Legion is a "Classic." And by that I mean steeped in tradition and resistant to change. By the same token there is a recognition that as the young and female veteran population grows, Legion tradition must grow to embrace this generation's struggles or it will die. As I sat at a number of meetings this past week, I waited anxiously, hoping none of the old white men at the table up front had the stroke or heart attack which seemed due at any particular moment.
The Legion can stay relevant, but they have to overcome the "good old boys" mentality. It would be a shame to watch such a great organization fall to such a petty fate.
For now, I wish to offer some reflections on the American Legion's Washington Conference, from which I returned home today. I am a proud member of the Legion - while I do not agree with all of their political stances, I believe they have accomplished a phenomenal amount of good for veterans past, and will continue to do so for veterans of the future. But lets get to the part which is of the utmost concern to me: the impression I get from the Legion regarding women veterans' issues.
I spoke with MANY people at this conference. Networked until I was damn near black and blue across the jaw! My overall take is that the American Legion is very keen on hassling the VA (Veterans Affairs) to make more progress for female veterans, yet they seem to be light years behind the VA with their recommendations. It's almost as if the Legion reads the results of VA's internal studies and fails to acknowledge VA's plan of attack to solve identified problems, thus their agenda reflects VA's plan of action like a mirror. I asked a gazillion times what the American Legion was doing for women veterans and the only time anyone could semi-answer my question, the answer began with "we're working with the VA to ensure...."
I was quite surprised by this.
Usually, the Legion is at the forefront of these types of issues - they feed the VA task force study results and policy recommendations. With Agent Orange, this is how it was done. With the GI Bill, this is how it was done. On women's issues, they seem to have it backwards. VA recognized the problem and spurred itself to action long before the Legion was ready to recognize female veterans might have some different health care needs.
I did talk to a number of Legionnaires (male and female) who seemed to agree with me on this. Some of them just blew me off as an irrelevant feminist pig. I'm used to that when dealing with the good old boy's club - besides, ex marines can be a little blockheaded ;) What I surmised is that there is some internal struggle within the organization on this issue; the Legion is a "Classic." And by that I mean steeped in tradition and resistant to change. By the same token there is a recognition that as the young and female veteran population grows, Legion tradition must grow to embrace this generation's struggles or it will die. As I sat at a number of meetings this past week, I waited anxiously, hoping none of the old white men at the table up front had the stroke or heart attack which seemed due at any particular moment.
The Legion can stay relevant, but they have to overcome the "good old boys" mentality. It would be a shame to watch such a great organization fall to such a petty fate.
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